Vegeta

(The Aladdin Story)

PEDDLER: Oh I come from a land
From a faraway place
Where the caravan camels roam
Where they cut off your ear
If they don't like your face
It's barbaric, but hey--it's home!
When the wind's from the east
And the sun's from the west
And the sand in the glass is right
Come on down,
Stop on by
Hop a carpet and fly
To another Arabian night!

Arabian nights
Like Arabian days
More often than not
Are hotter than hot
In a lot of good ways

Arabian nights
'Neath Arabian moons
A fool off his guard
Could fall and fall hard
Out there on the dunes.

Ah, Salaam and good evening to you worthy friend.  Please, please, come closer--
(Camera zooms in hitting peddler in face)
Too close, a little too close.
(Camera zooms back out to CU)
There. Welcome to Agrabah. City of mystery, of enchantment, and the finest merchandise this
side of the river Jordan, on sale today, come on down!  Heh, heh. Look at this! Yes! Combination hookah and coffee maker--also makes Julienne fries. Will not break,

(taps it on table)
will not--
(it falls apart)
--it broke. Ooohhh! Look at this!
(Pulls out Tupperware)
I have never seen one of these intact before. This is the famous Dead Sea Tupperware. Listen. (Pries it open, makes raspberry sound.)
Ah, still good.
(Camera begins to pan to right. PEDDLER hurries to catch it.)
Wait, don't go!
(Stop pan.)
I can see that you're only interested in the exceptionally rare. I think then, you would be most rewarded to consider...this.
(PEDDLER pulls the MAGIC LAMP out from his sleeve.)
Do not be fooled by its commonplace appearance. Like so many things, it is not what is outside, but what is inside that counts.
(Another pan, this one slower to left.  Again, PEDDLER rushes to catch up.)
This is no ordinary lamp! It once changed the course of a young man's life.  A young man who liked this lamp was more than what he seemed. A diamond in the rough. Perhaps you would like to hear the tale?
(PEDDLER pours shiny sand from the lamp into his hand.)
It begins on a dark night
(PEDDLER throws sand into the sky, where it forms a starry nightscape.),
where a dark man waits, with a dark purpose.

( Yamcha is sitting on his horse and Puar on his shoulder. Gazeem comes riding up to the pair.)

Yamcha: You...are late.

Gazeem:  A thousand apologies, O patient one.

Yamcha:  You have it, then?

Gazeem: I had to slit a few throats to get it.
(Pulls out half of the medallion. Yamcha reaches out for it, but Gazeem yanks it back.)
Ah, ah, ahhh! The treasure!
(Puar squawks as he flies by and grabs the medallion.)
Ouch!

Yamcha: Trust me, my pungent friend. You'll get what's coming to you.

Puar: What's coming to you! Awk!

(Yamcha pulls out the second half of the medallion. He connects them, and the insect medallion begins to glow. Finally, it flies out of Yamcha's hand, scaring the horses, and is off towards the dunes.)

Yamcha: Quickly, follow the trail!

(All ride off, following the glowing speck of light, until it reaches a large dune. It separates into two and the halves plunge into the dune. All that remains are two glowing points of light on the dune. But then the dune begins to rise up, transforming into a giant lion's head, with the glowing
points serving as the eyes.)

Yamcha: At last, after all my years of searching, the cave of wonders!

Puar: Awk! Cave of wonders!

Gazeem: By Allah!

Yamcha: Now, remember! Bring me the lamp.
The rest of the treasure is yours, but the lamp is mine!

(Gazeem starts to approach the lion's mouth, which
forms the entrance to the cave. He chuckles as he goes.)

Puar: Awk, the lamp! Awk, the lamp!
(Now that Puar and Yamcha are alone, Puar opens up in normal English and changes from a bird to a cat)
Jeez, where'd ya dig this bozo up?

(Yamcha puts his finger to his lips and shushes him. Gazeem
reaches the cave, but is blown away by the roar of the cave's speaking.)

CAVE: Who disturbs my slumber?

Gazeem: It is I, Gazeem, a humble thief.

CAVE: Know this. Only one may enter here. One
whose worth lies far within. A diamond in the rough.

(Gazeem turns to Yamcha with a questioning look.)

Yamcha: What are you waiting for? Go on!

(Gazeem hesitates, then moves one foot inside the cave. With great apprehension, he plants his foot down. Nothing happens.  Relieved, he begins his trek again. Then another roar comes.  He turns back, but the lion's mouth slams shut and the dune collapses back to normal. All that are left are Yamcha, Puar, and the two separated halves of the medallion.)

CAVE: Seek thee out, the diamond in the rough.

(Puar unburied himself from the sand, coughing as he does so.)

Puar: I can't believe it. I just don't believe it. We're never gonna get a hold of that stupid lamp! Just forget it. Look at this. Look at this. I'm so ticked off that I'm molting!
(He flies up to Yamcha's shoulder.)

Yamcha: Patience, Puar. Patience. Gazeem was obviously less than worthy.

Puar: (Extremely sarcastically)
Oh, there's a big surprise. That's an incred--I think I'm gonna have a heart attack and die from not surprise! What're we gonna do? We got a big problem here, a big prob-
(Yamcha pinches his beak shut.)